Burning Man

Lately I have been struggling with my emotions. I’ve stepped into a new level of the anointing the Lord has placed on me and my discernment has definitely increased which has caused me to realize…

The emotions I’m feeling are not mine. They are coming from the people that I’m interceding for.

John 11 discusses the death of Lazarus. It’s such an emotional chapter because it’s very clear that Jesus had a deep love for Lazarus, Mary and Martha.  In verse 14, Jesus tells his disciples plainly that Lazarus is dead and yet he speaks in confidence that he is just sleeping and they will be glad that he (Jesus) wasn’t there to make him well.

John 11:32-32

When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.

“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

Romans 12:15
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Jesus had no reason to be weeping over Lazarus. He LOVED Lazarus yes, but he KNEW that Lazarus was not gone, that he would live again. Then why did he cry? Because he was so connected to and probably interceding for Mary and Martha, he could feel the sorrow that the two women (and his disciples) felt over the loss of such a friend and brother. Jesus could sense their emotions and it affected him.

I had a dream the other night where the Lord showed me this in action. I was confused before this because I was good one day, the next day I felt lonely, the next day bitter and upset with God, the next day I was good. But the Lord has showed me how to control those emotions so they don’t drive me or my day…but they are still there and I puzzled and asked why I was suddenly feeling unbalanced.

So in this dream was me and my future husband.  He frequented a store where the clerk had an attitude. The room was mint green…an herb meaning bitter. He grabbed a few things from this store and I went into this store to  only because he was going there. I stood in line behind him and asked the clerk when it was my turn, “Do you know if he likes me?” and she said “Girl, he don’t like anyone,” and he walked out of the store as if he was the only person there. I was discouraged because I felt so invisible, a reflection of how he felt as well. I began working in a store that had a window across from this green shop so I could watch him, but in the dream I never went back to the store. There were negative voices in this place where I was, and only one voice that was filled with love for me. It was his mother. She had me look out a back window and she said to me (as a train was rushing by) “Is the no crossing sign out? I love that sign, it’s so adorable.”

There are other details in the dream, but this should suffice for the picture I am trying to paint…

I only went into the store because the one that I love goes there. Do you see how the Lord connects us when we are interceding on behalf of the ones we love? And even the ones we may not love? So that we can feel their pain and their joy and intercede for them when they may not be able to intercede for themselves?  At the end of the dream the Lord is asking me to continue to wait on Him for this promise He has given me, but that He has given me a window into the heart of the one I love so I can pray and fast for him strategically.  I know I’m the last person he would expect for a wife from the Lord…but there’s this reason I know who he is, because any work I do now  only strengthens us later and helps me grow into who He is making me to be.

This is all a part of loving your neighbor as yourself. Anything we do in the Lord for our fellow man is returned to us. Luke 6:38 says

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

This is a part of that! Whatever I invest into my husband now to help his growth and transformation will only benefit me in the long run. Not that I’m trying to be selfish, but because I’m being selfless and giving of my time to someone who knows me not. If we can give like that to the people we love and transform their lives, how much more the people who hate us? The people who have hurt us? What are the leaps and bounds that can be given in prayer to those who are against us?! Our enemy can become our friend in prayer! And then we too can discern the condition of their spirit and pray accordingly! We have been given a gift to have the opportunity to bear the burdens of others, just like Jesus is our Great Burden Bearer. We carry for others who don’t know how to offload their hearts cries, because we know how to offload our own and those of others to the Big Daddy.

We can only do what we have seen our Father do.

Now what if this burden bearing goes both ways? What if it’s a two way street? What if our own emotions carry back down to those we are interceding for? Is it possible? I think so. It’s why we are called to capture every thought (2 Corinthians 10:5) and put it in submission to Christ. We can’t carry it all alone. We aren’t supposed to. We should burn with the fire of God for those we love.

Lighten your load dear heart ❤




We were shouting; You did not hear…

Dear Media,

Yeah. You messed up.

But the good thing is, we forgive you.

I know that most of you promise to follow the truth wherever it leads, but the problem is, the leads you were given were paid leads.  You were fed lies that you then regurgitated to the American people. The thing is there’s a large number of us who turned you off and tuned you out. We could no longer listen to the propaganda that you were feeding us, so we ventured off on our own researching things for ourselves.

But even then there was yet another group of people that you didn’t count on, doing something of unthinkable consequence.

Prophets of God praying for a miracle and aligning with His will. You see there have been prophecies that have risen up since the early 2000’s growing rapidly in number. We had been told that the Lord had risen up a Cyrus from Isaiah 45 for America. And we weren’t going to have anything less. The Lord told us to not look to you. To turn you off. To not listen to the ill reports and the things that people were saying and the things that had happened over 10 years ago. We do not stand on a foundation of fear, but rather one of Truth, and it’s the truth of our Lord that we stand on, so when He says He is for someone, we listen. We were asked to not judge him based on who he was 10 years ago because frankly…do you want to be judged for who you were 10 years ago? I don’t. We’ve all made mistakes, we’ve all been places and done and said things in our journey to find ourselves and our places.

The modern-day prophets (that many Christians don’t think exist) and intercessors have banded together and have prayed for lifetimes, years, and months, fervently for Donald J. Trump and this land called America that we love. When we saw the two candidates we saw not male and female, not Donald vs Hillary, but good vs evil. Our hearts could no longer take the genocide and bloodshed this country was allowing the enemy to use to keep us in bondage.  Don’t believe me?

Genesis 4:10 The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground. 11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. 12 When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”

And look at our food supply and our obesity epidemic. Rowe vs Wade was enacted in 1973 and a few short years later our obesity levels shot up hard. GMO’s were accepted and testing began because the ground was being difficult and facing flooding and drought.

Blood is a living entity and is a living testimony to God and viable evidence for the enemy to use against us in the Heavenly Courts.  Our tolerance has become an enabler for people to walk in sin and no feel bad about it. Our government forced the schools and other places and establishments to forsake God, when the removal of God was the very thing that snowballed us into the muck and mire we are in. You tried to feel the pulse of the American people and maybe you felt right at first, or it could have been the money you felt, but you failed to see the power of prayer.  You failed to understand that we are a country founded on God and His principles and that there are still people after His heart that He leads and directs. Wanna know what He told us?

2 Chronicles 7:14

14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Yep. You are being humbled now…but we first had to humble ourselves. We had to set aside our own wants and agenda’s and desires and get on our knees and seek the healing and restoration of this land to the way our founding fathers envisioned it.  So we chose to align with the Lord. I could give you link after link after link and fill this page with different prophets dreams and visions, to Kat Kerr, Kim Clement, Lana Vawser, Nate and Christy Johnson, well the list goes on…and on and on and on. I can tell you the stories of people being called false prophets, liars, disillusioned and religious. But it turns out, we just had our thumb on the pulse of the heartbeat of our God.

Change is coming to the 7 mountains. I decree change is coming to the 7 mountains and dear Media Mountain…get ready because you are first!

But we don’t hold this against you, we knew you had to change because we had to change first. We had to let go of our own fear so we could clearly see your fear, the fear of other Americans, the fear of some Christians…only without our own fear could we clearly see other people’s fear and see where they were operating. It’s called discernment.

A very good friend of mine made a good point today:

Fear at the feet of the enemy becomes a wall blocking your path forward.
Fear at the feet of Jesus becomes a stepping stone on your pathway forward.

“While the storm clouds gather far across the sea,
Let us swear allegiance to a land that’s free,
Let us all be grateful for a land so fair,
As we raise our voices in a solemn prayer. ”

God Bless America,
Land that I love.
Stand beside her, and guide her
Thru the night with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans, white with foam
God bless America, My home sweet home.


Eagles and Anchors

The Lord has been giving me bits and pieces of a message this last two weeks.

It started when I began seeing anchors again. Anchor on the box of mason jars, the Anchor of the Baptist Bible college on my way to work, And this little tattoo place that I walked by simply because my favorite restaurant didn’t have closer parking…


Eagles are a symbol of the Prophets. Those who rise above the storms of this world and are anchored in the Lord. But we have a job to do…Standing in the gap. Interceding for the Nations…and we have become distracted. Distracted by all of the enemy attacks, the draining finances, the broken down cars, the screaming and defiant children (Oh BOY have I seen this one in force! And NOT just mine either!) the arguments, discontent in the workplace, threats and even whispers of violence. As we fight one issue off from one entrance, another is busting through the wall like the Kool-Aid man…so many things are screaming for more of our attention and we are relenting and taking our focus off the Lord.  Anchoring ourselves to the Lord is what we are supposed to be doing.

Because of it, there has been a breach of the enemy across the Nations.  Yesterday the Lord showed me this:


Clearly that is a whale. I was reminded of Jonah. And before bed this song from Veggie Tales that I haven’t heard in FOREVER popped in my head as I laid my head down on the pillow, it was from the Veggie Tales Movie about Jonah.  I didn’t make the connection at first but a friend said something like “Bob the Tomato was really distracted while driving” and at 3 am I had my EUREKA! moment.  We are distracted. We are weary, tired of carrying all these things…WHY ARE WE CARRYING THEM?? It’s NOT our JOB! We were made to be ANCHORED in the Lord and praise and worship Him so that He can fight our battles for us.  I awoke for the last time this morning to get ready for the day with a song in my head which is not uncommon for me. It’s called The One I Love by Third Day. I heard it for the first time the other day and it was on my iPod and I could NOT find it at all, nor could I recall the lyrics yesterday when I tried. But this morning, I was singing it. The lyrics go like this:

Oh, you of little faith
Why do you let the wind and the waves distract you
Oh, you of little faith
Don’t you know that when you’ve fallen I’ll be there to catch you
And when all your world is gone
And you cannot sing your song
I will help you carry on
The one I love

Oh, you of little faith
Oh, how quickly and how often you have forgotten
Oh, you of little faith
Aren’t you tired of all the wars and battles you have fought in
And when all your world is gone
And you cannot sing your song
I will help you carry on
The one I love

Oh, you of little faith
Why do you let the wind and the waves distract you

Well…why do you? I knew this was a corporate message. It wasn’t JUST for me, but for ALL the One’s He Loves. And when I read Lana Vawser‘s post this morning, it was the confirmation I needed.  We are all under a LOT of stress, under attack and well…we’re all a little uncomfortable at the moment. But Jesus didn’t die to bring us comfort…

Last week in my bedroom I heard the sound of rushing waters. I paused and said, “Yes Lord, what do you wish to tell me?” I heard nothing. I laid down after praying and was just about to enter sleep when I heard in my dad’s voice my name “Amanda!” and at first I thought “aww, that’s my daddy calling me…wait. He calls me Yoda….OH MY GOSH!” and I jumped out of bed and said, “Yes Lord! I am here!” Rushing waters, rivers, license plates that say WHTWATR have all reminded me of the rushing water…in the midst of that the Anchors have been making their appearance and the Lord says:

“Oh you of little faith, why do you let the waves and wind distract you…”

He is calling us, among the chaos and the rushing waters that threaten to take us down, to be ANCHORED in HIM and we will NOT Be overtaken!

I know we have been hit from every angle, torn down, threatened and tormented. Chaos has entered our homes at every turn and as we are chasing one problem out another has entered by force from another way. I know we are tired and weary. It’s time to pick ourselves off and shut out the things that are stealing our joy- the thievery, the slander, our family members slip into trouble, the draining finances for some reason or another…well we need to rise back up. We ARE the Front Runners of the Army and as such we have been chosen as the strongest to endure the first wave which is heaviest of the attacks. We have been selected to endure the biggest hits so those behind us can grow strong, have an example to follow (Jesus is our ultimate example, but the Harvest has never been ripe like this before) and take on the next wave. We are in Harvest Time and the Nations need us. They need our hearts, our prayers and praise and so even though we are down, we are not out. It’s time to rise again, take up your swords and FIGHT!!

Front Runners, be strong in the Lord. Be anchored. Get on your knees in prayer, worship and adoration of our Adonai. Lift your hands you Eagles, stretch out your wings and FLY in the Spirit, soar on Eagles Wings my brothers and sisters so we can overcome! Lift up your voices all you Son’s and Daughters and lift His name on HIGH! DO NOT let doubt, despair, fear, shame or the things of this world capture you. Shake it off and PRAISE HIM!





Present in the Past

The Lord has been highlighting the Book of Isaiah to me lately. I’ve read here and there in Isaiah, but it’s been a while since I’ve read the entirety of it…and since I’ve gotten this graduated sight and hearing and understanding of the Word…well let’s just say I needed to get to it. I’ve known for about a year that there’s a LOT about the future in this book…and the present as well.

For those that don’t know, I DO NOT believe in the “rapture” as most people do. I believe that the Bride of Christ will have another “Mass Exodus” back to the promised land and there we will reside in protection and be cared for through the Tribulation…which by God’s word is actually only the last 3.5 years, or 1260 days. The first 3.5 is the time of sorrows that Jesus speaks of in Matthew 24.


So Isaiah 5: 8-end

Woes and Judgments

Woe to you who add house to house        (This is a Subdivision…neighborhoods!)
    and join field to field                                    (Our property is surrounded by other property)
till no space is left                                             (Every ounce of land is occupied!)
    and you live alone in the land.                  (We don’t hardly know our neighbors!)

The Lord Almighty has declared in my hearing:

“Surely the great houses will become desolate,       (People won’t be able to afford to live)
    the fine mansions left without occupants.          (There will be a LOT of vacant properties)
10 A ten-acre vineyard will produce only a bath[a] of wine;       (Famine conditions)
    a homer[b] of seed will yield only an ephah[c] of grain.”

11 Woe to those who rise early in the morning           (Coffee for those who can’t sleep)
    to run after their drinks,
who stay up late at night                                                  (booze for those to drown their stress)
    till they are inflamed with wine.
12 They have harps and lyres at their banquets,       (They party hard but…)
    pipes and timbrels and wine,
but they have no regard for the deeds of the Lord,      (They don’t care)
    no respect for the work of his hands.
13 Therefore my people will go into exile                       (Hard times a’comin)
    for lack of understanding;
those of high rank will die of hunger                (the people will be brought low and humbled)
    and the common people will be parched with thirst.     
14 Therefore Death expands its jaws,
    opening wide its mouth;
into it will descend their nobles and masses     
    with all their brawlers and revelers.
15 So people will be brought low                    (Yep, brought low and humbled)
    and everyone humbled,
    the eyes of the arrogant humbled.
16 But the Lord Almighty will be exalted by his justice,  (People will find the Lord!)
    and the holy God will be proved holy by his righteous acts.
17 Then sheep will graze as in their own pasture;     (That is His CHURCH!!)
    lambs will feed[d] among the ruins of the rich.       (We will be provided for!!)

18 Woe to those who draw sin along with cords of deceit,  (People who try to sell false)
    and wickedness as with cart ropes,             (prosperity to those who are in desperate need)
19 to those who say, “Let God hurry;         (People who say “Jesus come quickly”)
    let him hasten his work
    so we may see it.
The plan of the Holy One of Israel—
    let it approach, let it come into view,       (Be prepared, it’s on it’s way)
    so we may know it.”

20 Woe to those who call evil good        (There will be a LOT MORE of this happening)
    and good evil,
who put darkness for light
    and light for darkness,
who put bitter for sweet
    and sweet for bitter.

21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes    
    and clever in their own sight.

22 Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine  (Check your local college dorm and bars)
    and champions at mixing drinks,
23 who acquit the guilty for a bribe,
    but deny justice to the innocent.
24 Therefore, as tongues of fire lick up straw
    and as dry grass sinks down in the flames,
so their roots will decay                                        (God will bring those people down)
    and their flowers blow away like dust;
for they have rejected the law of the Lord Almighty
    and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel.
25 Therefore the Lord’s anger burns against his people;
    his hand is raised and he strikes them down.        (When you are down, you look up)
The mountains shake,
    and the dead bodies are like refuse in the streets.    

Yet for all this, his anger is not turned away,
    his hand is still upraised.

26 He lifts up a banner for the distant nations,        
    he whistles for those at the ends of the earth.     (Come out of her my people!)
Here they come,
    swiftly and speedily!                                                 (The LORDS ARMY!!)
27 Not one of them grows tired or stumbles,
    not one slumbers or sleeps;                                 (We have been watchful!!!)
not a belt is loosened at the waist,                         (We have TRUTH!)
    not a sandal strap is broken.                                (We have PEACE!)
28 Their arrows are sharp,                                         (Armed with the WORD)
    all their bows are strung;                                     (We are READY!)
their horses’ hooves seem like flint,                    (We spread Holy FIRE wherever we tread!)
    their chariot wheels like a whirlwind.             (We are SWIFT!)
29 Their roar is like that of the lion,                      
    they roar like young lions;
they growl as they seize their prey
    and carry it off with no one to rescue.
30 In that day they will roar over it
    like the roaring of the sea.
And if one looks at the land,                                (We WILL NOT BE SHAKEN)
    there is only darkness and distress;           
    even the sun will be darkened by clouds.

We will only see with our eyes the recompense of the wicked, nothing will touch us. Though we look across the land and see darkness and distress, we will carry this LIGHT to the world and reignite the LOVE that the Father has for us.

So many read the Word of God and see condemnation. I read it and see HOPE! This is a word for the current time! The Lord is showing us that even though there is darkness and despair, that He has given us a way out! He has given us peace to spread to the nations. It looks scary…but when you have eyes to see, the fear dissembles. It falls apart like a strawman. I see love. I see the tearing down of the people so they can find their way into the arms of the Father.

I was so incredibly encouraged by this today. I hope it encourages you ❤


The Great Awakening

The Lord has been speaking to me more often and more clearly than ever before but it’s also…different. I’ve had prophetic dreams all my life despite not knowing or understanding until I was an adult and it has simply evolved.  I am getting words, many words that upon awaking they are strung together to form a message. The Lord has used song titles and lyrics, numbers on signs and now I seem to have branched out to giving words of wisdom and encouragement to people.

Please don’t marvel, nor applaud. I’m just a regular person like you. I work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I go to church on Sunday, single mom with 2 kids, still have to mow my lawn, etc. I’ve asked the “why me” and have been told “Because I love you.” So, I just thank Him for choosing me. He’s given me a title that is difficult to claim…so we just keep it between us. Titles have connotations…

The message the Lord is sending…no, BROADCASTING is coming in LOUD and CLEAR. The Lord has told me, “The rain is coming, the rain is coming, the rain is coming.” He’s said to me, “More than you dare ask or imagine, more than you dare ask or imagine, more than you dare ask or imagine.” He’s also stated that our Tent Pegs, those things that keep us rooted and grounded are being pushed in, firmly secured- so long as we remain rooted in Him. You see…I think things are about to hit the fan so-to-speak.

Here’s a word I posted a few days ago on my Facebook page:

You dip your toe in my great pond. You think you have it, you think you have achieved this great thing, but really you have nothing but a wet toe. Plunge your WHOLE BEING INTO ME and I will give you the LIFE I have to offer you. The world says a wet toe is enough, but once you take the plunge with ME, it will never be enough and you will never return to a life of mediocrity because you will be too busy being immersed in the life of more than enough that I have for you.

The Lord told me that WE are the pillars standing near the healing pools of Bethesda. His people are the ones standing by assisting people into the waters, to plunge their whole beings in. He said that the Sleeping Church is entering this Great Awakening and with it there will be a famine. People will be STARVING. They will gather in search of food, Spiritual Nourishment, gathered together on the hillside.

Matthew 14:13-21 The Message 

Supper for Five Thousand

13-14 When Jesus got the news, he slipped away by boat to an out-of-the-way place by himself. But unsuccessfully—someone saw him and the word got around. Soon a lot of people from the nearby villages walked around the lake to where he was. When he saw them coming, he was overcome with pity and healed their sick.

15 Toward evening the disciples approached him. “We’re out in the country and it’s getting late. Dismiss the people so they can go to the villages and get some supper.”

16 But Jesus said, “There is no need to dismiss them. You give them supper.”

17 “All we have are five loaves of bread and two fish,” they said.

18-21 Jesus said, “Bring them here.” Then he had the people sit on the grass. He took the five loaves and two fish, lifted his face to heaven in prayer, blessed, broke, and gave the bread to the disciples. The disciples then gave the food to the congregation. They all ate their fill. They gathered twelve baskets of leftovers. About five thousand were fed.

The Sleeping Church will awake from it’s spiritual coma ravishing hungry in search of Spiritual Nourishment and the Lord says “You feed them.”

Are we ready? Us as the “front-runners”, the sheep who have stayed close to our Fathers side and have been prepared and made ready for this time in history, are we REALLY READY for the greatest revival this world has ever seen in history? I sure hope so.

The Lord keeps telling me to “Hold ON” with images of fast horses and roller coasters because this is going to begin to move quickly. That there’s a “Flood” coming. He showed me a vision of flash flooding and He said “Don’t be afraid, stand in ME and you will be immovable.”

I’ve been also giving words. Personal words when I’ve been led to. I read them afterwards because half the time I don’t remember what they say, but they bring even ME to tears. The Lord is so tender towards us. He loves us to tenderly and, and, and…so many ways, I can see them I can feel them and the words I seek to describe fail me…I fail at describing how wonderful the Fathers embrace is because words don’t do it justice.

But my favorite word of all lately was Him telling me that I (and many of us) have been waiting for a long time, some longer than others, for that person that the Lord had for us from before time began. The person we will be in ministry with, the person that we will be joined to and go out and do the fathers work…yeah that person…that they are coming.  Some of you (Like me) know who that person is and are waiting. Some are entirely clueless (yeah…to my dismay…) but He deposited into my heart, something altogether precious as I exited the bathroom at work:

“Turn around and see (I stopped and turned to look in the mirror). You are a Diamond, hidden in plain sight.”

As I cocked my head and paused, I saw a 1 carat rhinestone sitting on the granite counter top and picked it up. I thought to myself over how many times I’d passed it by. How many times I’d not seen it because it was hidden from me…I didn’t have the eyes to see it. But the Lord told me that He would begin opening the eyes of our hearts and that those who have waited faithfully for Him to bring about their spouse would begin to see movement. That we were entering a new time, a new era of fruitfulness for His people.


God is doing some amazing and wonderful and powerful things! Things in me, probably things in you too. Tearing out the lies that the world has deposited in our hearts, changing our mindsets and preparing us to be launched so we can feed His sheep like Jesus told Peter.

John 21:17
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.”

I’m still waiting for you oh man of God. I know our time is almost here. I wish I could just walk right up to you and just spill my guts. I’ve been waiting almost a year…and still you don’t see me. You will soon. I stand firmly upon the promises of the Lord. One day, you will know my story because it is also the missing pages of your story.

A bientot,


Open Doors

Friday, as I inked out my fears here I’d realized something happened.  There were some dreams I’d had a while back that outlined some things…some potentially hurtful things. I’d endured enough and didn’t want to face these things I was sure were going to happen. And on Thursday night when I sobbed my heart out, that something rose to the top and burst like a giant bubble, rising up from the depths to the surface where it popped.  On Thursday as I left work, I had a vision of an open door on the street and when I raised my sunglasses to get a better look, it was gone and I drove right over where this open door was. On Thursday and once again on Sunday the Lord let me find “diamonds” (cubic zirconia, but the message was the same) and told me that I was a “Diamond hidden in plain sight.”

I realized those things the Lord had shown me, were not things that were bound to happen…He was revealing to me my own heart. Since December the Lord has been revealing to me the condition of my heart in regards to myself. In my own heart, He was telling me, I thought I was a Scarlet Letter.

He was showing me a journey that had already taken place that resulted in a “raping” from the world…and the label that went along with it. I claimed that scarlet red and waited in the secret place, which was a beautiful cove of trees, smiling that something good would finally come of me. As I passed through the checkpoints, the men (men of this world) accepted the label I gave myself and agreed with it. All the while my betrothed, my beloved was out preparing himself for that moment that he and I would be together and so I waited in the secret place…and the world raped me. The fear that the Lord was showing me I had was that I was no good anymore. And that my betrothed would come and find me and be horrified…and he did, but only because it was my greatest fear. That he waited and prepared for me and here I was laying on the ground crying and dirty and raped. But then enters Lady Wisdom in all her goodness. I stood before her broken, crying and in the fashion of Glenda the Good Witch, she lifted my chin and said to me, “You were never Scarlet Red. You are Ruby Red.” My beloved standing by, pacing because of what had happened, because of what he saw. And so I walked the path again, crying the whole way there, repeating my new color to the men at the checkpoints along the way. “My secret color is Ruby Red,” and they agreed with me, “Your secret color is Ruby Red.” So I completed this downtrodden walk of shame back to the secret place where I laid down in a fetal position and sobbed near a bush. Accepting this new secret color was hard for me.  But even as I laid there, downtrodden and sad…My beloved still chose me. He came back and despite what he knew, he still picked me.

The reason these things came to the surface in me was because I was anticipating and hopeful of a meeting on Friday, that odd’s were it wasn’t going to happen…and I still had the Scarlet mindset. I was still “feeling bad” and “apologetic” and things like “I’m sorry, I’m probably not what you were expecting,” came to mind when imagining the moment when he realized who I was. Why? Why was I sorry? Because I didn’t believe in my own value. I still didn’t believe in who God said I was. And so I cried because I was worried about something actually happening in real life that would reveal my worst fears…that I wasn’t good enough.

My friend Shawn, Lord bless that woman, was angry over this dream and what I believed it to mean. I was resigned and accepting of it and said bravely, “I will go through whatever the Lord wills,” all good and martyr-like. She said, “You have already been through enough! There’s no way God would make you go through something like that!” But in reality, He did except the raping had already occurred. So as I sat there crying in my bed, hugging my pillow, I shouted. I shouted my worth…and as I laid there in my secret place, curled up in a fetal position…the dream that was a prophecy over my life had come to pass as so many before it.

And on Friday, I rose up from my bed a new woman. I had new courage. I was confident he wouldn’t show up…but I went anyway because I said I would be there. Instead I had a wonderful conversation with my very best friend, and we laughed and laughed. Something had changed in me overnight. I felt stronger and bolder and braver. And I knew that come Sunday I would stand before this man in real life…

…And invite him to coffee.  And like when you Give a Moose a Muffin, I hope he decides he would also like dinner.


Run and Hide

No, not like Hide-and-Go-Seek…Like a deep dark place in the woods. It should be raining. Yep. That’ll do.

I’ve had visions of open doors, white and now yellow butterflies, Elephants too. Last night the enemy tried to invade my mind spewing insecurities at me while I sobbed into my trusty feather pillow. My faithful friend who has heard and can echo my hearts cry through the years by the tear stains on her cover as she has tenderly comforted me with her pinions. I shouted “I am beautiful! I am worth being someone first choice, not their resignated option!” Shouting to myself, prophesying to my own heart and convincing myself that I AM worth it. I’m not garbage, I have a beautiful heart…I’m worth it, worthy. The Lord has made me well, has lifted me up, gifted me…Betrothed me to my Beloved, from the foundation of the earth, this was who He had for me.

But my thoughts betrayed me.
Not good enough.
Not thin enough.
No one knows me.
I’m unwanted.
I’m a charity case sitting on a thrift store shoe shelf.

My head started pounding, none of my sisters were awake to help soothe my soul, and then one messaged me. Panic. Fear. Trying to swallow the HUGE LEAP that the Lord had requested of her…quitting her job and not having anything behind it. Doubt. And on her behalf through my puffy eyes (Yep…I’m an ugly crier…) I started to push back the darkness and pray over her. I got up out of bed and started interceding on her behalf…and then my behalf and I realized…this was a Trojan Horse.

Designed to take us down from the inside by using our own fears, doubts and insecurities. As I got up this morning, I realized that there were many more of my sisters who had come under attack last night and I was glad that I had included their names in my fervent prayers in rebuking the enemies onslaught. During that prayer, I recalled the dream I had about the snake I had taken into my home. It was a sad little snake that had lost it’s fangs, was a baby and had no way to eat so I took it in to take care of it. I stood near my sister and my mom near a 3 foot brick retainer wall having a conversation when the snake grew exponentially right before my eyes though no one else seemed to notice and it advanced towards me. It’s head was the size of a LION and it was trying to eat me! Swallow me whole! And as I stood there holding it’s jaws open, struggling against it alone it suddenly grew fangs and it missed my arm narrowly but as I began to lose my grip on it’s bottom jaw, I used my knee to hold it so I could get a better grip on it’s lower jaw, when it’s fang pierced the first layer of skin on my stomach and began to pump it full of poison and it filled and looked like a blister…and it began to burn my skin inside. Somehow in the struggle I managed to tear the skin and the fluid spilled out on the floor and I woke up shouting, rebuking and saying “I crush your skull underneath my foot!”

I’m realizing that last night…I did the same. I used Genesis to curse the enemy. The struggle was with the flesh and how I feel about my body and how somehow I feel that it makes me unworthy of Love…when my very name “Amanda” means “Worthy of Love.” There was another dream about an envelope and how the envelope was stuffed FULL, it had a LOT of papers inside it and the papers represented me and that somehow my flap had been singed, but not burned…not consumed by the fire.  The dreams are one in the same. I’m so concerned about what I look like on the outside that I forget the amazingness on the inside. That the Lord made me a warrior princess, to fight unseen battles.

These scars, these stretch marks, this imperfect body does not affect who I am. It does not affect my ability to love and be loved. And beauty isn’t marked on the outside, it’s on the inside.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

I’ve seen a beautiful person with an ugly heart and the depth of their ugliness seems to permeate the entirety of their body. But with a beautiful heart, even the outside…the pieces of me that I dislike do not compare to the beauty that I contain on the inside.


Thank you Father for making me, ME! I pray that my Beloved can see the same beauty.



Little yellow leaves spin and twirl towards me and one lands on my shirt over my heart. I hear you Lord, he’s coming, the time is now. Does he even know who he is? Does he know who I am? Has he come yet to the place where he’s analyzed me like a box of old shoes that he thinks should have made it to the thrift store?  Could it be that he’s reading this…and wondering if I’m talking about him? Maybe. If he is…I’d love to have coffee with him…say 7pm Friday evening at the Starbucks down the way from church next to Albertsons.

How nerve wracking to come face to face with the man that the Lord has created just for me…and apologize that I didn’t know who I was…or I would have waited for him. Could I even have words to say…I have so many questions, so many things to share and ask…And try, in my excitement to NOT be overwhelming. What’s your favorite cartoon?! Favorite Disney movie or favorite color? Where is your favorite place to go? Adventure? Favorite candy? Or are you like me and candy is…okay…only on those rare occasions. Allergies? Are you a picky eater?? What is your FAVORITE FOOD?! What is your favorite childhood memory? Do you have any pets?  What do you know about me? Am I a mystery to you? Or were you paying attention and saw all the breadcrumbs I left you?

I saw you watching me. I should have waved. I wondered what you were thinking.  I keep waiting for the go-ahead from the Lord. But then again, yesterday was day one of the green light. Patience. We both have been waiting a very long time for each other…since 2010 for me unconsciously. Since last July consciously and since last October very consciously knowing precisely who you are. Hard. I have been praying for you daily since then and trying to stay under the radar.

This morning on my way to work, I felt an overwhelming sadness from you. Like you were frustrated, longing to belong and crying out to the Lord and I prayed.  Last night I dreamed about angelic battles with dark forces, almost like I was there watching it, it was in an area just outside the earth’s atmosphere and there were demons wrestling with angels. They were holding back answered prayers and gifts and promises to the people of God that the Lord was sending down and in my tossing and turning I also prayed, rebuked and felt like I was fighting on behalf of those angels who were fighting for us. Our gift of each other was there being held back. Shawn knew she had been praying in her sleep as well and woke up knowing that her prayers had been answered.  There’s a battle afoot!

I hope you know that you do belong. I’m fighting my own mindsets and insecurities and I keep having to remind myself that the Lord has qualified me and the very things that I think disqualify me are the things that qualify me. Same with you. It was your heart that I loved first so anything  you think about yourself, those things that you hate about yourself just don’t count because your heart is so BIG, I can’t see anything else around it. Don’t get me wrong, I know you aren’t perfect…neither am I. I’m human. There will be days that we are at odds and I will do my best to remind myself that you are NOT the enemy and that we truly do have an enemy that wants us at odds with each  other.  You have been waiting so long…your wait is over. I’ve been so worried about acting out of turn, creating Ishmaels…But the time is now. The Lord has been saying the time is now. So now I wait on Him to lead me to act. To have my Ruth moment, my Esther moment, my Abigail moment…so I can obtain the man with a heart likened unto David the Lord has been telling me about.  He really loves you.

So do I. And that’s rather radical of me to say. One might question me and say “But Amanda, you don’t really know him all the way yet. How can you say you love him?” And to that I would say, “Because the Lord has put him on my heart, shown me who he is at his core, shown me that he is ready and that the Lord made him for me, and equipped him for me. I KNOW what he’s made of because he was made by the Lord. Everything else after that…I trust the Lord in whom He picked for me, He knows what I need and what I like…He made me!”  We have a destiny together. We have a job to do and I’m excited to move forward and take hold of the Lord’s promises together. I’m excited about you.



The Lone Tomato

So, one of our (very gifted) pastors preached about a week and a half ago.  He said this:

“There are seeds that have been sewn in this church, in this nation, in your life, there are seeds of righteousness and they are things that you’ve forgot about. Things that have been hidden and you almost think they are dead. And because you just release those to God, you just spoke them out, and I believe God is springing up these seeds that have been planted. He is springing up the word that you forgot about, but he has not forgot about. The dream that you forgot about but He has not forgot about and all you need to do is spend time with the Giver and He’s going to remind you of the memories, He’s going to remind you of the word, He’s going to remind you of the dreams. And He’s saying it’s not far off. Isn’t it crazy just how seeds work as you plant them in the ground. And the faith of a farmer to say I trust whatever’s in that seed to do what it’s able to do. Right now it doesn’t seem like anything is happening, I put it in the ground and it dies but something is going to spring forth out of that because he has faith of the potential of the seed. And we know that the seed, in the Bible Jesus told parables and the seed was the Word of God. I feel like the seed could be anything but in this instance I believe there are some of you that have spoken things out, you’ve asked God, you’ve been like (my nephew) and said God I want a new daddy and it’s like this seed that has been planted in the ground and the moment that you asked it was planted in there and God has not forgotten.

“And some of you need to know that God has NOT forgotten you.”

“He has not forgotten what He’s promised you. He has not forgotten what he’s said about you…He hasn’t. He says In this time and in this season I will pour out my rain on this land and it will spring forth, it will bud and flourish and everyone will see it. It’s awesome because, when you plant you don’t just get one tomato, right? Hopefully not! With me, I’d probably get one tomato, that’s awesome, but when you plant whatever you don’t just get something, you get MORE than you asked for.  You were thinking just one midnight snack of a tomato – who does a midnight snack of a tomato? I dunno, somebody crazy…NOT ME (laughs). You were just thinking one little tomato but God was thinking more than enough, He was thinking tomatoes for your grandchildren. You were just asking for something for you but you didn’t know that it would impact the generations to come. You didn’t know that it was going to impact this city that you live in. That God is blessing you, and because he’s blessing you it’s an outpouring to everyone that lives in your neighborhood. And it’s the Gospel, it’s the truth it’s what God desires to do. And it’s not fairy tales because it’s real. He is the God of more than enough.

“He is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.”

I’ve been listening to his preaching over this last week and a half on repeat. Multiple times per day. The Lord has been speaking to me a message through this because guess what Pastor Nate:


I have ONE tomato.

It’s been discouraging for sure. This does happen to be my very first year that I’m trying my hand at this whole gardening thing despite the fact that I in no way have a green thumb. At all.

See for yourself:


This garden bed was FULL of living plants when I started and slowly, one by one bugs have invaded and destroyed. My peas are dead as doornails, the bugs keep eating my corn stalks (you’re curious where those even are aren’t you? Maybe you’ll see these tiny green things poking out of the ground on the left…yep, there they are!) My watermelon plant just disappeared and all that’s left is a little head stone…err plastic tag showing what used to be there.  I have one stumpy bell pepper aside from the tomato and that is all.  Here’s my raspberry bush!! It has LOT’S of thorns and dead leaves…no berries. Not even a sign of berries. Apparently they really don’t like sun…clearly…(I do realize after reading Matthew 13 that I probably don’t have enough soil depth…)


Then we have my red cabbage and my brussel sprouts. They have been picked at by bugs as well. There is holes all over those leaves…and yet…all I have are leaves. I do realize that this is the most pathetic garden I’ve ever seen. It should be FILLED with green vegetation, I should be enjoying the fruits of my labor. And I’m not. And I wonder…is that how the Lord feels. He looks down on this beautiful garden that He planted and all he sees is death, holes and a failure to thrive? How sad he must be for the millions upon millions that HE LOVES…and they are not bearing fruit. The bugs are attacking them and they still overcome the bug attacks and thrive right where they are but once they die…there’s nothing to carry on. They fight for their lives, they fight for living in the here and now but after that have nothing left.


But the Lord said to me “Amanda, all it takes is ONE piece of fruit to have enough seeds to continue planting and growing and thriving. All it takes is one healthy plant, and that plant will affect the world around it…


And encourage more flowers to bloom in it’s presence.


Just ONE tomato, can make a world of difference.  And sometimes we have to be willing to be the Lone Tomato.  But don’t worry, the Lord IS springing up the seed that you planted.

Isaiah 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.


Take Heart

He is the rewarder of those who diligently seek him.

Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds.

The time has come, labor has begun and my heart is already beginning to feel heavy.  Heavy because I’m tired of the rejection, tired of being discounted, stuffed down, forgotten, written off, ignored. I’m tired! But I feel this way because these things affect me. They affect me because I don’t truly believe yet that I am worth more. I accept those labels, I take them in and the words and actions stab at my heart and I let them hurt me.

Introduce me Lord to the more that you have for me. You are the God of more than enough. Show me that I do NOT equal the labels that have been set upon me. That there is fire inside of me, show me what I am capable of.

“You can’t escape the person God says you are. There are seeds that have been sewn, things that have been hidden and you almost think that they are dead. God IS springing it up. It’s not far off. You’ve asked God, and the moment that you asked, it was planted and God has not forgotten you. He’s not forgotten what He’s promised you. It will flourish and everyone will see it. ”

I sewed that seed and felt truly crazy doing it. It was this quiet whisper in my heart as I marveled at the heart of the man I was listening to, amazed that men with a heart for the Lord like that truly existed anymore and I asked in that moment that the Lord would grant me A husband like that. A man with a heart on fire for the Lord. And I heard “No, (not “a” husband) this one.”

“Uh…what? This one? You want me to ask for this one?”  Then as if to answer my doubt his voice amplified over the sermon and he said, “God says you don’t have because you don’t ask.” Suddenly silent tears fell from my face into the lavender scented bath water and I got bold and asked for that very man and realized that he was the very one the Lord had shown me 5 years prior. I woke up the next morning and just felt invigorated the entire day. Just filled to the brim over what I believed the Lord was doing and had stirred in me. I struggled with doubt over this 9 months, this roller coaster of being revved up for what the Lord was going to do and this doubt that I was in fantasy land, dreaming for things that I could never obtain, waiting for the disappointment yet rejoicing over the heart of the one I have come to love. I love what the Lord has shown me about him, has whispered to me in the night regarding his heart and yet there is so much more to know…so much more to discover and love.

I remember in middle school there was this star football player. I thought he was good looking and had this charm about him. I shared with a friend, just one of the many who would betray me, make fun of me and turn their back on me growing up, that I had a crush on him. She went over and talked to him and came back and said that suddenly we were boyfriend and girlfriend.  Yep…I was the SUPER naive girl who believed and trusted everyone and took them at their word.  And when in my excitement I began to share, I quickly found myself face to face with his actual girlfriend…who now wanted to fight me. I turned around and walked away. Embarrassed and ashamed. I never fully trusted her again.

But the good news is, my God is TRUSTWORTHY. When he lays something on my heart to say or do or ask for, I know that I can trust Him. I know that I can take him to the bank and He will write that check. So this man that I asked for…this man of God with the most beautiful heart I have ever seen…He is mine. He isn’t yet…but in my heart of hearts I know that he was meant for me “From the foundation of the earth” he was meant for me. I have labored over him in my bed at night before I go to sleep, lifting him up to my Poppa God asking for transformation, questioning the Lord in my confusion, laying out my own insecurities and asking for growth and healing. I’m here…I’m at this divine precipice. This giant cliff and this huge chasm out below where I know the Lord is bringing me an airplane to climb into and fly out over so he can take me and my children to greater heights and places in Him where we will go and do, be His hands and feet and bring more people up to where the Lord can work in hearts and minds and we can go forth like a mighty army of Love spreading like Holy Wildfire the Love that we know in Christ Jesus.

I’m no longer confused. I’m no longer going to ride the roller coaster of doubt. I know. I will have what I asked for and I will have it. But the red. There’s so much red. This Holy pause button for His people that will heal us and lift us up. The cleansing red of Blood washing over us, removing the things the world has placed on us, removing strongholds and thought paths and labels and bringing our hearts into greater alignment with Him so we can go forth and be conquerors.  Bringing us deeper into His rest, into the quiet places where he can build and conquer on our behalf.

The Lord will FIGHT for you, you need only BE STILL (Exodus 14:14)


I will Lord, I will…

Father, bring me deeper into your rest. This place where I lay down and stare up and the night sky lit up by thousands upon thousands of stars, lined with trees and the crickets chirping as I lay and listen to the beat of your heart, hidden in this quiet place where you will make me new. Where you will remove the years of “not good enough” and “not pretty enough” and “too fat” and “not smart enough” and stripping the lies, removing the cuss words, the rape of my heart, the physical abuse and…and…and…Things necessary to bring me to where I am. They have made me who I am and I have overcome. I bring victory with me, but there’s one last victory to be had before I can obtain what I asked for.

And I will have it.



PS- I finally don’t care who sees this. Call me crazy but, I just don’t care. It’s time for boldness. It’s time to throw off the chains that have been holding us…holding us on the inside.