It’s so hard living with a broken heart

Isaiah 61:1 

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

Jesus.

And yet, I’ve been living with one for some time now. A year?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not my husband. At. All. He’s amazing, encouraging, his eyes twinkle when he looks at me and tells me I’m beautiful…It was a woman. The woman who called herself my best friend.

I realized yesterday after my husband was praying over me and he heard the Holy Spirit say “grieving” and I knew what it was over. A few years ago I had friends. One has decided to allow her heart to be swayed by her unbelieving husband. The other completely threw me under the bus over a situation she didn’t bother asking me about. She had begun to distance herself from me even before then but she shared her assumptions as truth to my ex husband who unwittingly called the police causing a whole pot of shit to be stirred. Becoming a step mom is hard. I needed support, encouragement, someone to stand by my side in friendship, not pull the rug out from under me and make it worse. We’re a year and a half from that time. I forgave her but she decided she wasn’t deserving of my forgiveness and she pulled away even more until I was put on “read” and sat that way for over a month. I unfollowed and tried to let go but I found myself checking in on her occasionally. Still the picture perfect…everything.

I was driving around yesterday talking to Father and realized that I’ve struggled to reconnect with Him since moving almost 2 years ago. So much of life is not constant for me that trying to find that quiet moment on a regular basis (I used to sit at night before bed and journal) is just about impossible. Sometimes I feel guilty for the lack of time I feel I spend with even my husband and he’s amazing! How much more amazing is Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit and yet….let’s just say, my guilt eats at me and keeps me further from Him. Guilt.

Guilt was what I was suffering from. Guilt from what used to be my best friend, and my own guilt in my relationship with Father. I’ve come to the realization after remembering a dream I had about her wandering off to “race” with another female runner that I need to let her go. I need to release the soul tie (though I thought I had) and move on and then release my own guilt so I can start fresh. Just because something doesn’t look the same way as it did before, doesn’t mean it still can’t be beautiful.

Just because I’ve had my heart broken in the friendship department, doesn’t mean that Jesus can’t mend it. He was sent to bind up the broken hearted.

Jesus I give you my broken heart and ask that you would mend it. Release me from my friendship and the soul tie with her and I ask that you would enhance a current friendship to that place or bring another. Help me to always be a better friend than I was yesterday and please let my friendships always be equally yoked in you.

Thanks,

Amanda