Let me tell you about the worst Valentines Day I ever had…
You know, in retrospect I giggle at this story because it’s so completely…ridiculous that if I don’t laugh I would probably cry…well technically I did. But as I’ve gotten older and once again single I realize the weight put on Valentines day. It’s a single day in an entire calendar year that we use to show our significant other how much we love them…
…Shouldn’t we be doing that the other 364 days per year too? Hmm, just a thought.
So there I was, nearly 20 years old, had been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half and things were okay. I mean, they weren’t perfect but no one’s relationship was, right? Things between him and I were waning and I could feel it from him and I didn’t understand why. His family loved me, his brothers loved me…except his youngest brother who was Autistic…he just threw shoes at me.
So Valentines day 2003 went down in my history books as the WORST Valentines Day EVER. It included candy hearts, a card and some coyotes and shoes…or a lack thereof. Oh, and video games.
I worked retail at the time and I found the most adorable skirt on clearance for a buck. I’m a seer so I can always see things differently than everyone else. This skirt was way too small for me and it was an ankle length skirt. When I finished it was knee length and fit me perfectly. I added some lace and ribbon and was pretty satisfied with my outfit for Valentines day…cause of course I needed somewhere to wear it to. My wheels began turning and I was devising an awesome Valentines day for this boyfriend of mine. I was going to make a picnic, take him to the beach and eat on the sand and take a walk after and just make it a nice romantic evening for us. I was so excited! Two weeks before Valentines Day had arrived I started working on my skirt and I told him that I had made plans for us for Valentines Day. He frowned a bit and said “Oh, I had made plans for us for Valentines Day.” No worries, I’m flexible! I told him we could do what he had planned. When I asked him what the plans were he wouldn’t tell me. It was a surprise.
Valentines Day arrived. I got off of work, got all dressed up, curled my hair, did my makeup and got dressed and drove the 25 minutes to his house up in Carbon Canyon. I get there and he’s not dressed. I asked him why he wasn’t dressed and he looked at me and said “Why are you dressed up?” I looked at his mom who looked at me and we both had the raised eyebrow and she said, “Ryan, today is Valentines Day.” to which he responded,
“Is that supposed to mean something to me?” I stood there speechless. I asked him about the plans he said he had made and I was told that he made it up. It was all a lie because he didn’t want me being the one to make plans. So there I was. All dressed up and literally nowhere to go. I sat there on the couch, he sat to my right and refused to get up. He said that Valentines Day is such a commercialized day and it was stupid anyway. Then his dad walked in.
“Happy Valentines Day!” said his dad as he came around and passed out candy hearts to his kids and gave his wife some flowers and chocolates. He handed me a box of conversation hearts and said, “What did your Valentine get you??” I broke. The dams of frustration and hurt couldn’t hold it back anymore and I blurted out, “NOTHING!” and I ran out of the house as he said, “I don’t know what the big deal is!”
I was infuriated. I was so mad that I had made plans for him that he asked me to set aside just because it was bothering his pride that I wanted to make the plans and not him. So I took a walk. At night. Without shoes or a sweater. I walked down the street, went out to a semi main road and walked down the middle of the street just hoping he would chase after me. He would wouldn’t he? I cried all of my mascara off and I kept feeling like I was being followed. I paused and turned around and saw 3 sets of glowing eyes off to the side; Coyotes. Trying not to panic or run or show fear I started walking a little faster and at some point I turned around and shouted, “YOU BETTER LEAVE ME ALONE!!” Starting to get cold, I decided to head back. I get inside and he asked me why I was hiding at his next door neighbors house, who happened to be my friend. I insisted I wasn’t and told him what happened. He figured I must have been lying and hiding out in the horse stables directly behind his house. He thought I was lying. I just got trailed by coyotes for a few blocks! “Why didn’t you come after me?!” I asked. Because he didn’t think I actually left. Unbelievable. I’m mad as heck. He gets up and gets dressed and says ok, let’s go somewhere. So, we meet up with his best friend and his girlfriend…who both seem to be having a similar night. On our way to his friends house he reaches under the seat and hands me a grocery bag. He said,
“Here. I got this for you. I read the first couple of lines and it sounded like something you’d like.” Unsigned. Not even in the envelope. I was devastated. What was happening! So we got to his friends house and we all decided we were gonna go get something to eat. At least that would make my night feel a little better. So myself and his best friend’s girlfriend Addy sat there and waited. And waited. They started playing a video game…and we waited…until it was far too late for a nice dinner…in fact it was almost no longer Valentines Day when we finally got some fast food.
Shortly after that I broke it off. It was okay, apparently he was going to as well.
You ever look them up years later and go *whew* dodged that bullet…yeah it’s kinda like that. We dodge some bullets and not others. But you know what I’ve learned about Valentines Day since then, and even through being married and divorced?
You can’t make up for a lack of love on one single day of the year. You. Just. Can’t. You either love or you don’t. Ladies, this is why we are waiting. Because the Love the the Lord gives us is WORTH THE WAIT, no matter how long the wait ends up being. The Love the Lord gives you has been tested, tried, true. The Lord saw that man’s heart and thought yes, this is good enough for my daughter. But let’s think about that in reverse. The Love the Lord has promised someone else in YOU is worth the wait. He’s still working on us. We have to learn to love ourselves, even on Valentines Day. Don’t shut yourself away with a box of chocolates and a box of tissues hiding under a blanket. Take yourself out to dinner! Have a glass of wine, and a bit of dessert. You are worth it. Do something for you, set an expectation for yourself that you won’t give in to the commercialization of this “holiday” and expect someone to do something for you. Do it for yourself. And don’t just do it on Valentines Day. Make a habit of taking yourself out! We put such a heavy expectation on this day…especially on men. It’s unfair. The only expectation we should have is our own of ourselves. Single or in a relationship, it’s still a day about Love. Treat yourself! Go have a bath, do something nice for you.
So, what are you waiting for! Go make some dinner reservations for ONE!