God told you who your husband is…and you messed up (Pt 5)

For your reading pleasure here is Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,  & Part 4.

Luke 1:45 Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”

Yes Lord, I believe. I was on stable ground again in my heart. There are some days I struggle- some more than others, but I had been solid in this promise. Maybe a little too solid. I had a few dreams in late 2016/early 2017 that depicted some letters being delivered, information being passed to this man that I was carrying in my heart- like a mother carries a baby before giving birth, I prayed over him daily, protecting my promise like a mother protecting her young. I was still learning how to interpret my dreams, I had been faithful to pray over them and go through them to gain understanding and eventually the Lord gifted me with the Gift of Interpretation.

Unfortunately not soon enough.

It was March of 2017 and so many prophetic voices were speaking about Ruth and how in this season we have to step out and obtain our promises, the time to ACT had come! I was still in a space and place where I didn’t understand that it typically takes one to two years for dreams to come to pass. He tells us in ADVANCE and unless you feel the NOW urgency- stay your hand dear one or hurt and pain is on your horizon…a delay and doubt will be your portion when you don’t understand the timing of God.

It was a beautiful Sunday. I wore red lipstick and never do, and after the events that passed I felt kinda foolish having it on. Red envelope, 3 or four pages of dreams hand written in bright colored ink scrawled the pages inside, flap tucked smartly inside and on the cover it said “Rachel waited 7 years, so have I.”  I sat in my chair as he cleaned up equipment and put things away, my heart beating literally out of my chest as I finally convinced myself to get up and give him what I thought was the note I needed to deliver. Here! Read this! I said. He asked me “What is it?”, just read it I whispered as I walked off quickly. He would know what I thought he was to me, and that should set some things in motion.

They were in motion all right. In my stomach, cause the next day, I nearly got sick when I got an unexpected phone call. My letter didn’t stay where I had delivered it. It had been shared and I was being called out. Never speak to him again. Leave him alone or there would be consequences and unless there’s a ministry need for you to speak to him, just don’t. He’s not interested in a wife right now, just in seeking the Lord.

My heart shattered in a million pieces.  I was only doing what I thought I was supposed to do! WHY was this happening??!! It had been prophesied over me that he was the man the Lord had for me from before the foundations of the earth…two people who don’t know each other spoke those same exact words to me at one time only moments apart. I frantically messaged my best friend, unable to control the torrent that ran down my face. It was over, done. What had I done. What HAD I DONE?!

You know, God was not surprised. He knew. He knows the end from the beginning. None of us are immune to mistakes, there is only one perfect One. I’m not it. I had just Joseph’ed my way into prison with no way to explain or apologize, or get out. I had just created impossible circumstances.

You know what’s so amazing about impossible?

Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”


My heart felt a little lighter as my best friend helped me pick up the pieces of my heart. She reminded me of the rape dream and how we always suspected it would be an emotional assault. This event- though painful gave me this hope… because I knew how the dream ended. No one can take away what God has promised me.

A few months later I was in McDonald’s with my kids. A Wednesday night I believe and we were just about done and there was this quiet little Asian family sitting in the corner. They didn’t seem like they were from around here in fact I was quite certain they were from out of town. The young girl maybe 17 years old, walks over to me and she tucks her hair behind her ear and she quietly says,

“Excuse me, I don’t normally do this but I felt that God wanted me to tell you that His promises are true and that He loves you very much.”

My heart leapt! I had been given precious words from a stranger, this young girl brought me so much joy and hope because she delivered the words of my Father. Her obedience has been a cherished gift that to this day makes my breath catch and my eyes leak. The Lord was reaffirming to me that all was NOT lost…and like Mary, I cherished these things in my heart.

Back to my encounter from Part 1. So the very next day I’m feelin pretty good. I’m driving home and I almost went another way and didn’t. I was rocking out to some Mandisa (yeah I’m that girl singing in my car…move along people- nothing to see here!) and the song changed. It changed to a song I had always had on my iPod but I had never heard before. How had I never heard this song?

Needtobreathe has a song called “over now” and it begun to play. I almost hit the back button to hear Mandisa again and I didn’t. “Lift your eyes girl, I know your broken.” Oh my, God is speaking to me!


Lift your eyes girl

I know you’re broken

Left from the same war

That you never knew

Your way is just to fall just like before you

But the way isn’t to long

You’re almost there

There’s a feeling that you won’t make

All you have in store

This time is just a season

You deserve much more

Lift up your head

Look out the window

‘Cause it’s almost over now

Take back the time that your fear has stolen

‘Cause it’s almost over now

Don’t let it get you caught in that tunnel

The end is always a few steps away

There’s a feeling of resistance

You can’t seem to fight

This time is just a season

You can make it right

Your eyes are open

Your heart clean

But you’re lookin’

To be free

Lift up your head

Look out the window

‘Cause it’s almost over now

Take back the time that your fear has stolen

‘Cause it’s almost over now

During this song I saw in the Spirit some flashbacks of two dreams I had. This song depicted the actions I was taking in these dreams and when the chorus played a second time,

“Lift up your head, look out your window…” I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit telling me to look out my window. The man I had just asked for the night before was there next to me in his vehicle. I sobbed. Not just a little bit, but the ugly cry that makes your eyes swell and your upper lip turn bright red- yep that was me. He never saw me but I cried almost all the way home. His goodness was overwhelming and I just couldn’t keep it together. I just had no idea I would wait this long…



For your reading pleasure here is Part 6