Point of Discovery {Part 1}

I’m finding that I’m in this funky “in-between” place right now.  I look back on where I began and see where I am now and I wonder and marvel at who God has made me into…in a very short amount of time. This time last year, I was wavering…unsteady and uncertainly unclear on the identity of which I stood. Cause that’s what this journey is about isn’t it? Discovering who we are and WHOSE we are, and what we are meant to be and do? And getting closer and closer to Him in our journey across the great unknown.

Seems like earlier this year, potentially the tail end of last year I was finally in a place where I could stand firmly on God’s promises, but it took a shaking…a rocking of the boat if you will, to help me get my “sea legs.”  Adversity has a way of making you stronger, enabling you to stand a little bit taller too. When we come to accept who God is, and what He is truly capable of doing and then realize that we are standing in His shadow, no weapon formed against us can stand, no word, no action, no plot or plan. To stand in someone’s shadow means that you are very close to them in proximity, you are in an area of protection. But when this epiphany hits, you stand a little taller, you feel a little stronger and the things that once swayed you no longer do.

It also means that He is trustworthy. Mighty to save. God is true to His promises. Let me repeat…God IS TRUE to HIS PROMISES. If it’s a promise He made, it is a promise He will keep. If you are unsure it’s a promise from Him…ask him for confirmation. Ask again and again and again. But sometimes we are in a place where no matter how much confirmation we get, we still struggle to believe…and yet He still provides the confirmation because He wants you to trust Him. He wants you to rely on Him wholeheartedly and KNOW that He is not a liar. He can’t be. It’s not His nature.

I’m going to share my testimony. It’s…incomplete still…I’m missing a someone in my life but don’t worry…I’ll be sure to plaster our first selfie on Facebook real soon so you all can share in my joy. This is a hard story to share…And I’m going to do my best to remain respectful to those involved while still sharing the truth.

It starts before the place I am beginning my story, but know that things happened that shattered my heart in 2008. I had hope that my husband at the time had truly found God…because I had. Despite growing up in a family that was very diverse in it’s choices of religion, ranging from Catholicism to non-practicing Judaism and Christianity. I grew up in the church, I had memorized the books of the Old Testament as a kid (please don’t ask me now…I just can’t) and knew that Jesus loved me. I even taught Sunday school in high school. But I lacked that connection. I walked away for a lot of years…not fully. I still prayed here and there when I needed something until one day at work I met Letty. It’s funny how the Bible says that we are carriers of His light (Matt 5:14-16) and I didn’t know what that meant until I met her. She was a light. She had something different than anyone who I’d ever known who claimed to be a Christian and I loved her. But though we stay connected, our friendship was only for a season.  God woke me up with a suddenly, a dream in the night and I woke up knowing what He was saying.

So we fast forward and it’s October of 2008. The market crashed and my husband had lost his job, I had lost my position and we were losing money hand over fist. Unemployment had taken such a huge wave of people that it was almost a month before we got money from that. I was still working but losing almost $800 a month and they wanted to transfer me to a store that was a 2 hour drive away in traffic. No. Way. But I’d had a “God nudge” in regards to moving. Idaho. But God, my husband says he would NEVER leave California. “Idaho” said the whispers…but I had only been there once for a few days. Fear crept in so I put off the conversation. “Idaho”, YES! I know, Idaho, Idaho. You want me to go to Idaho. I’d gotten tired of hearing it which overpowered my fear and so I had the discussion I was fearing.  It went something like this…

“So…how do you feel about moving to another state?”
“I don’t know, where are you thinking?”
“………Idaho.”
“Idaho, what’s in Idaho?”
“I….have a cousin there?”
“Okay, where else could we go?”
“Um, Texas? Denver? New Mexico?”
“Okay, no on Texas. No place that has any hurricanes, earthquakes or tornadoes.”
“You realize that leaves a VERY small corner of the US right?”
“Yep”
“Okay, so Idaho.”
“Before we pick where, why don’t you go online and see if your job has any openings you can transfer into, maybe that have the position you just lost open somewhere else”

I get online at work the next day and the very position I had lost due to no fault of my own had only two openings in the ENTIRE COUNTRY.

Wanna take a guess where BOTH of them were located??
Yes, Idaho.
So, to Idaho we went. It was a fast move. Things just worked and where we were losing our tushies financially, within 6 months of being in Idaho, we bought our first home. Things weren’t right. I was an enabler, but before that I was an insufferable know it all.  I don’t need to go into details here, but in my quest to grow in the Lord…very slowly, I attempted to become less so my husband could step up and be a husband. In 2010, I was pregnant with my son and my job was not going well at all. My boss did not like me…which was strange because usually I was liked by everyone. I couldn’t work under him anymore and I attempted to step down but he had manipulated the system and wrote me up for things I never did and in my fight to prove myself innocent, my opportunity to move into a lesser role disappeared.  I wanted out so bad. I started an in home daycare and went on maternity leave. I was cheated out of the money I was owed for services rendered and so I had to go back to work after just 4 months home with my Jeremiah. I was crushed, but found a job…actually, a job I never applied for, rather quickly and there I worked for 2 years. The next job I got, I also never applied for, they called me. And there I worked for 3 years…and the following job, I never applied for when they called me…they had my resume still from 2 years previously when I had interviewed.

Anyway, during that time I was pregnant, in May of 2010, I had been having dreams and was writing them down in a journal. It was a dream of a promise God was making me, one I didn’t understand, and wouldn’t understand until many years later.

To be continued…

Amanda

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