In the Quiet

I’ve been quiet lately.

Processing this year I think as it comes to a close. So much has happened and now the quiet peace has become almost unnerving as I sort out my path forward.

You see, the path forward is littered with toys and dirty laundry and dishes and dinner and Tae Kwon Do, laughing kids, crying kids, bills and work, and as I slide a shoeless foot across the carpet and realize there are chips from dinner 2 nights ago embedded in the carpet I make my way through the mess to embrace what is important.

My children.

God is using this time to mold me:

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Because sometimes, the trials we face are not tangible. Nor something we can see but in fact it’s something inside of us that is writhing like a butterfly in a cocoon trying to break out…but God’s not finished with us. We don’t yet have the strength because we aren’t done yet…because I am the trial. Things ingrained inside of me, desperately trying to latch on to familiarity when nothing is familiar. All of your insides are melty and smooshed together in this little sack as they are being rearranged into beauty but we writhe and fight against it as we struggle to figure out how we’re supposed to be different.

So I fight against this urge for perfection that I was never able to attain in the first place. It was elusive and yet I find myself fighting myself to attain the now definitely unattainable. Sometimes the way to fight the anxiety, the fear, the frustration is to be immersed in it. To be in the trenches of what eats at you the most and either you will fight to rise above it or let it eat you alive.

I’ll take #1 to go please! Trying to find normalcy in a space that is foreign to me, frequently asking God to show me, to help me, to help me rise above the panic of a dirty car, the panic of dishes in the sink…and the panic of children who won’t go to bed…in their own bed. It’s going to take some time to develop a good rhythm and see what does and doesn’t work. Besides the rhythm can’t stay the same, as kids grow, they change. And as they change and grow so do they as a person so I will have to change and grow with them. But isn’t that what this is all about?! The purpose of children wasn’t just so we could teach them, but rather it’s a mutual exchange of understanding and growth along the way. Otherwise I’m certain most children wouldn’t make it past childhood… Besides, in the scheme of things, we’re all just children wearing bigger shoes, pretending to know what we’re doing.

In the Quiet

In the quiet recesses of your mind
Am I yours?
Are you mine?
Do you hear my whispers
Deep inside your heart
Or is life too loud
To catch My every word?
When troubles of this world
Cloud your every thought
Don’t you know I’m living
Right inside your heart?
I’m here to take
All the weights you bear inside
To shoulder your burdens
And make them light
Don’t you know I’m here
To wipe your tears away?
My child
Don’t you know?
I’m here to stay.
I won’t go away.

So lay down your head sweet child I’m here,
To take away your sorrows
To drown out your fears
When the shadows close in
Remember I’m inside

To shine my light within you
Through the darkest nights.

So My child, listen up
Quiet down
Please know that I am with you
And I’ll keep you safe and sound.

Love,
Jesus

What is God using to mold and shape you right now? How can you be praising Him despite the circumstances? If you need prayer, please comment below and I will put you on my list.

Berakhot,

Amanda

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