The Key to my Heart; An open letter to my future Boaz

God has been having me pray lately.

Well…he has me pray all the time but more specifically prayer for the man He has for me in future time. He’s been on my heart this morning cue of God. And I’m sitting here…

There’s a key. An old intricate key…old fashioned in nature, worn yet beautiful that unlocks the lock on my heart. God has that key and he has given it to someone in my future to unlock me. I have some stirrings on my heart this morning. My being, who I am is so wrapped up in music, sound and beat…

I want to sing. Duet with me passionately for the Lord, will you sing with me?
Play for me, sing to me with your hands, let me hear you with the ears of my heart. I want a piano man. I asked God for that back when I was 17…Lord, bring me a man who can play the piano. One day I will have a Baby Grand and I will lay my head on top of it and listen to the music of your heart.
I want to read. Read with me, curl me up in your arms and read to me the heart of our God, whisper to me how much he loves me. Uncover with me great and unsearchable things.
I want to go. I want to go with you wherever God asks you to set your feet and gives you work to do, I want to be there doing it too. I want to be the help-meet that God has made me to be.
I want to dream with you. I want to be one with you in dreaming the thoughts of God, that we can see and know and understand these things together and that together we can ebb and flow the heart of God in this lost world. With unity may God prophesy into the lives of others through us, so that together we may grow God’s kingdom and be fruitful with our gifts.
I want you to play with me. I want laughter to be the center of our relationship where it too becomes the music of our home.
I want to dance with you. When you’re mad at me, dance with me. Let’s come together and be reminded why we were brought together in the first place. To be united as one with God.  Dance with me in the rain. Rain is the music of the earth.
I’m an old soul, understand that my heart does not lie in this place, this present time, but in a place with old fashioned values, a place where a woman understands her role but is cherished with Love and Respect and is not objectified. I am not a prize to be won, but a treasure to be kept and cared for. So are you Dear One.

I want to cook for you. Tell me the desires of your stomach and I will make it for you.
I want to serve you. The way a Godly wife serves a husband. (See Proverbs 31)

I not only pray for you, but I pray for me too. That God would make me and keep me ready. I asked him Lord, am I “good enough” and he said, “You are precious and beautiful, and yes you are.”

So when you come along, I am ready. I am diving into what the Lord has called me to do, fear and all and so when you come I will be past my fears. I will be headlong into my Savior, serving Him with all that I am. I am seeking Him and I have found Him and he leads me beside still waters where I am taken care of by Him. I have been sent to help you, just as Eve was created for Adam, I was created for you. We will be an unstoppable duo ready to tackle God’s assignment for our lives in these last days. I wait for you. The enemy has already tried to come and steal my purity and I have fought him off. He has dangled sparkly things in my path in hopes that I would wander from the course, he has even set wolves at my heels in hopes of driving me from my path…but I kicked them to the side to keep a pure heart and body, as their counsel was un-Godly at best.

Dear one, understand that I have a past. It was painful back then…when my heart was leaning on my own understanding. The healing I’ve undergone in 5 years, despite the fact that I was healing in the thick of it had been slow and gradual. I was controlled and abused, I was torn down. I am not a victim, but a survivor. I surrendered my anger, my resentment and my want to feel justified or vindicated to a Holy God and in turn he has given me Forgiveness. He has granted me Freedom. Freedom to worship Him. Everything I have gone through has helped to prepare me for this moment in life as I work to reach the high calling God has placed on my life. God kept my heart close to His (my children as well) and protected it as he strengthened me. We were a team,  a covert operation sitting undercover until the signal was given. RUN MY PRECIOUS…so I ran. A switch was flipped that day. God had packaged who I was, up in a little box and saved my heart from damage and heartache. He gave me a modus operandi and I was that role, I lived it I breathed it and I secretly read my Bible in the dark of the night. I secretly prayed and learned to cherish God and the dreams he gave me. It was a privilege to be in His company. I recall very little of that time in my life outside of my time with God. My memory had failed me but I’ve realized it hadn’t…it was God protecting me from the lies that were being showered over me. Blocks of time are gone from my memory banks, all I have to remember are the holes in the walls.  And those too, I have repaired.

I have 2 beautiful children that require a LOT of love and patience, and I will likely have some quirks about me that you may not understand at first. And then there’s the other quirks that everyone has like leaving the cupboard doors open that I will just need your grace with. My name means worthy of Love and I try to be that every day of my life, though some days I’m not successful. I do require moments alone in my life. Those times where I can just go brain dead and do something that doesn’t require me to think. I’m in no way perfect, as I suspect neither are you. You might miss the toilet bowl often, you might forget anniversaries and birthdays, you might be a picky eater. That’s okay. We were meant to be fulfilled by God, not each other.

God knows I need my future Boaz to match me. To have passion, creativity, to share in the same spiritual gifts as me. I need to be able to wake up in the middle of the night, shake you awake and share what the Lord has shown me and vice versa. To get on your knees with me and pray over the hearts of the people, to also be an intercessor when called. To be the Gatekeeper he has called me to be, I need him to stand watch with me. He must stand guard with me on the opposite side of the gate and help guard the sheep until the Shepherd arrives.

I have known, Dear One, that before my divorce was fully over that I would meet you. I have 35 more days…I wonder who you are.

Benedizioni,

~Amanda

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